It feels like an eternity since my last post. I find that time works differently on the Lewis & Clark campus. We measure our existence in tests and classes and assignments, which means minutes move like lightning but weeks and months stretch like molasses. Nothing is linear, nothing is easy, and nothing makes sense.
This week, I had four midterms scheduled, one for each of my classes. I decided to stay on campus for fall break in order to prepare, and spent my days off huddled in my room or the library, trying to cram as much material as I could into my brain. It wasn’t a pleasant experience.
But it paid off. I came out of my midterms feeling confident, glad I had forgone the fall break camping trip my friends had taken in favor of staring endlessly at my notes in anguish.
I don’t know what the lesson here is, that I worked myself up into a frenzy over four big exams, all of which were nowhere near as bad as I thought they would be. I just know that studying and learning doesn’t always have to be this hard, or this painful.
I came into college expecting the work to knock me on my ass, and sometimes it did. I wasn’t prepared for the sheer volume of assignments, or how long my homework would take me each week, but the difficulty of my courses was around the same as what I’d experienced in high school. Granted, I went to a STEM school that prided itself on college preparedness, but my freshman year of college was deceivingly easy, at least in terms of academics. The whole going-to-school-in-a-pandemic thing wasn’t-- and still isn’t --simple at all.
This year, my first experience with fully in-person classes, is different in many ways. It’s harder, things seem to take longer, there is less room for error even though, arguably, things are just as ‘unprecedented’ as they were last year. I find myself stumbling, with none of the guardrails I had before.
And with the stumbling comes the fear. Perhaps I’m just not built for ‘real college’. Maybe last year was just a fluke, dumbed down for pandemic learning, grace given in the form of zoom screens and open note tests.
I know a lot of sophomores are feeling similarly. I know I’m not alone. It’s awful to sit in class, feeling the current of our curriculum leaving me behind. But it only takes one person to raise their hand, express their confusion, ask the teacher to slow down, and I remember that I am not the only one who doesn’t understand.
Lewis & Clark may be small, but it’s very easy to isolate yourself from others. It’s easy to let your friends go away for fall break, to ignore the people wanting to spend time with you, give the excuse that you have to study because it’s simpler than saying you’re too stressed to have a good time. It’s hard to reach out to those people again, but it makes a world of difference.
College is about finding yourself, learning how to live on your own, function on your own. Part of that is about finding a good support system, people who you can count on to drag you out of the library or to check in on you and make sure you’ve eaten. People who you can lean on when you have four midterms and can’t seem to slow down.
I was lucky enough to find mine pretty quick, but here is some advice for when the midterms start to gang up on you, or just for when life seems a little too tough.
How to take care of yourself when you have four midterms in one week:
- Cry
- Your new mantra is “C’s get degrees”
- Eat ice cream
- Cry some more
- Watch jealously as your friends have fun
- Have a little fun yourself (but not too much)
- Beg your professor to move one of the exams back
Make sure you take a lot of breaks. It’s not fun to sit in the library for hours on end, only doing one thing. Set a timer, and when it’s up, get up, stretch, eat something, and do something that makes you happy.
Go to office hours. Professors at Lewis & Clark are amazing, and often have small classes, which means they’re very accessible. Ask for help, or an extension, and they’ll be more than happy to give it to you.
Don’t ignore the resources available to you. The Symbolic Quantitative Research Center is great with tutoring. All of the employees are fellow students, and they’re very helpful. Similarly, the library is home to the LC Writing Center, which offers support on papers, whether it’s research, editing, or even brainstorming.
If you can, get off the hill. Lewis & Clark is so small, it can feel like college is your entire world. Take advantage of the Pioneer Express, if you don’t have a car, and go explore downtown. The PSU farmer’s market happens each Saturday and is really close to the Pio stop at Shattuck Hall. The Portland Saturday market happens year-round and is filled with small local businesses. It’s a bit further away, but still totally accessible by public transportation. Even taking a walk through Tryon Creek State Park can be an amazing way to get some perspective and a little reset on life. Plus, it’s always beautiful, no matter the weather.
The academics here can be hard, but there are so many people who want to help. I’ve been overwhelmed by my classes too many times to count, and there are sure to be plenty more, but the point of learning isn’t to always get it right on the first try. There are going to be mistakes. I think I’m lucky enough to have found a place that gives me the courage to keep going, even when things are difficult.
Me, trying to romanticize my walk to Watzek (with the leaves getting real nice)
An image of my good friend, when I was finally convinced to take a break and relax for an evening.