I'm not ready to graduate

 I’m not sure who lied to me and told me that senior year is the easiest and maybe it’s only hard because I had the expectation that it would be easy. Let me tell you, it’s not easy. Classes may not be harder than any other semester but other things in life start to take over, apartment searching, covid, graduation planning, jobs, and internships. I feel like I have to set up my life all while being expected to be the same dedicated student I have been for the last 4 years. 

There are a lot of resources on campus and events that help and celebrate the graduating class, but most of the time I don’t have to attend those events because I work over 30 hours a week as well as trying to still complete my assignments. I feel like I wasn’t warned on how to be prepared for everyone that’s coming up. I just realized that it doesn’t matter that I have worked full time for the last couple of years and have comfortable savings when looking for apartments I need credit and rental history… I have neither. I’ve toured apartments the last couple of weeks and either bad reviews, rude management, false advertising or just being way out of my budget has stopped me from applying to any of the housing I have come across.

My grandparents on my dad’s side are coming as well as my mom… My parents are separated and the family has basically chosen to separate as well so now I have to navigate getting both parties from the airport during the same day and engaging with both while not letting them overlap too much. I’m stressed and feel alone, so I post on my social media. I ask about apartments for people renting in portland. When I come back to my phone I see that I’ve got a bunch of messages. I get excited but when I start to read them they’re all saying that they are in the same situation and stressed over finding housing in the next three weeks. This doesn’t help me find a place, but it does help me feel less alone. I’m not the only one overwhelmed by graduation and feeling unprepared to start living a separate life from the support of campus. 

It feels like just last year I was arriving on campus wondering how my college experience would be and if it would fly by or drag out. It’s done both. I’m both scared and feel like I was cheated out of so much of my college experience, due to covid, and feel like I can’t stand sitting through even one more class or writing another essay. It is comforting to know that other people are feeling the same way and I’m glad we’re going through it together.